15 November 2018

This past week (could I be anymore obvious~)

Life is good.. kinda. It's like 90% in terms of school (although I wish I could say the same for my grades), and maybe 60% in life. But it's not a bad 60, it's more like an unfulfilled 40.

I passed all my midterms which makes me breathe a sigh of relief. I felt like I wasn't retaining as much information because I was feeling sad for the first half of this fall term, but then I developed a semi-effective study habit, slid into a group of peeps that are really smart where we just bounce knowledge off of each other (fyi, i've never been a study group person which is why i'm surprised this works wonders), and I stopped loathing so much about being back in school and not doing what I'm supposed to do because who knows what I'm supposed to be doing. Basically, I put in the effort.

Then for life... well, what has been going on? I had a lot of moments where I was vulnerable and learning about myself, but then others where I retrograde and I'm not living my authentic self... which should be easy because it's literally just being true to yourself, but damn I get caught up in conformity and being stuck in my mind that causes me to shut down and lose all my personality or opinion. Even typing this out, I wish I could voice that to people around me, but then I lose words... I need to be more open and honest, and stop allowing myself to clam up just because it's a decent defense mechanism and super cozy and comfortable. (insert Sims option "instill false confidence")

After almost losing hope over the job hunting again, I finally got a PT-job. Thanks to nepotism !

Then there's the weaving of people in and out of my life this month. It's been... spiritual (this is what I mean by yream aka youtube rules everything around me). Aside from travel vlogs which are my absolute favorite, I started listening to a lot more talks from youtubers about life stuff including spirituality and relationships-- "girl talk" type videos.

Lastly, I'm growing older this week. I'll be threading very close to "late 20s" territory. I don't know if I'm getting better at it, but I don't hate it as much because it's out of my control and it will happen anyway.

03 November 2018

It gets dark at 6...

Now that winter has semi-arrived, it's really tempting to fall into lazy tendencies. I'm almost always 10 minutes late than when I was already late. The lack of sunshine is a real downer on my mood and I'm always tired. I don't even know how I got through midterms and continue to function on a daily basis. But, I don't want to fall into this unhealthy act of feeling gloomy and tired everyday, so I'm trying some things to counteract winter this year (for the first time in my life). Winter sucks. Period. I've never been a fan, never will, I think. The only good thing that comes out of it is winter holiday and xmas jingles.

Some things I'm trying out are:
1. Vitamins,
2. Dressing cuter and
3. Keeping busy.
Pretty straightforward stuff.. Hopefully the vitamins can help me feel energized from the natural lack of. I want to try to dress cuter so it would keep me in a good shmood. And currently still doing part-time job hunting but hopefully by next week I will have something secured. It's been a while since I worked in retail, but at this point, I wouldn't mind the discount and doing something outside of academia.

28 October 2018

Light sleeper

What not to do when you go to bed at 2am but suddenly wake at 4am:

Notice every single sound you've never paid attention to before.
Stare at the ceiling in the dark.
Turn on the lights and stare at the ceiling some more.
Attempt to count sheep but keep losing count.
Walk around in the dark.
Get dressed for a night walk but realize it's snowing.
Eat a burger.
Feel bad about eating the burger, so you try to workout for half an hour thinking it would help tire you out as well.
Feel even more awake and energized than before.
Watch some youtube. Read a chapter of a book. Go back to bed and still can't fall asleep. See some light starting to peek through the windows. Feel angry because your head hurts. Fall asleep angry. The End.

13 October 2018

Romanticize your everyday life?

Someone posted an interesting concept of romanticizing your everyday life so you could appreciate and enjoy the little things in life. I'm currently in midterm madness and I could relate to this so much. I've been watching more 'study with me' vlogs and have been trying to make prettier, organized notes with different colored pens. I've also been loathing commute during rush hour cause at the end of the day my feet are so sore and then I have the pleasure of running for the underground and getting Chopped by the relentless doors. But then I think about to all those city scenes (have never watched Sex and the City but I imagine that's what it's like??) and I'm like alright I can do this!

Maybe that's a sad way to live or an interesting outlook but hey, at least life is a lot more tolerable ! lol..

And since stress has been pretty high lately, I've been resorting to retail therapy which has been fun. I want to explore outside of sweats . I still want comfortable, but put together, you know?
My most recent purchase was this cropped gray collar shirt, a pair of black chinos that fit me like a glove (love), and a striped shirt (still undecided if stripes look ugly on me). I also acquired a used sewing machine so maybe try my hand at crafting something from nothing (winkwink) ?