08 January 2019

Set the plan, then stick to the plan.

First day back in school and I am already behind! Wooo, what else is new. It's okay, because this year.. I have a plan! Or at least, I will try to stick with this plan and see how it pans out until I forget all purpose.

I really, really want to enjoy 2019. Like.. truly enjoy it and do things that I was anxious or never felt like doing. Maybe I'm having a 'mid-life' crisis, but the other night I started looking up community sports teams I could join (????). Yeah I had to take a moment to realize this new me. I'm not an active person at all , but I feel like a part of me could have been lol if that makes sense. I like the thought of hiking, running, and possibly pursuing (beginner, of course) yoga because it's pretty low maintenance. As I said, I wanted to join a community team but I think it would be too much commitment what with school and work and "dating" and trying to be more social, in general. So gonna hold off on that for now.

In relation to getting out there, I have been trying to be more social. In my perspective, it's moreso about gaining experience and learning about people? I feel 2018 was very self-centric because I was trying to become an Improved me. And now I'm ready to integrate myself into society a bit more, in exchange for this individual called me. And speaking of; I did meet someone on a dating app. We're not really dating (yet? not at all yet?). But let me tell you.. getting to know an absolute stranger is interesting lol. Call me a noob but having to interact with someone completely new outside of being "a friend of a friend" or giving a sales pitch to randoms is different when it's with romantic intentions. On top of that, maybe it's just me that has been living under a rock since forever, but trying to think of good 'date' dates is kind of hard?? Especially in the winter. Like, other than Christmas-related events, I wouldn't know what fun things there are to do without being cold and miserable lol. Luckily, we've been treated very kindly this winter (barely any snow-- probably just jinxed it).

Lastly, unrelated to anything I've mentioned-- I turned off all social media notifications which isn't a big deal. Honestly though, it's been helpful because I am less inclined to mindlessly browse instagram and I only tune into my friends' feed occasionally. That leaves more time to do whatever the heck else (such as reading! should be studying tho..). Anyways, that's all. Long post but I needed to get this out as a reminder to pursue what I feel and live life a bit more passionately :) Remember, kids #yolo

29 December 2018

2018 reflections

Can't believe 2018 is just two days away now. I lost the motivation to blog because nothing eventful was happening, but since I'm in the holidays I can flex.

Oh, so I'm celebrating happily meaning I passed all of my courses. There were a few hiccups but yolo-dolo. I also made it through holiday retail nightmare-- Yea I worked Boxing day and I fucking hated it but I'm alive and payday is coming up. Other than that, I don't know how to describe this past month. It's been different but also really chill. December really slipped past me this year.

Am I looking forward to 2019? Maybe. I have hope lol for positive changes in my life-- which is pretty dope because I feel like I'm typically sad and lowkey loathing life every new year. But who knows, I might be just as sad and mopey in the new year since things don't just change at the strike of midnight. I have barely done any reading this month which is the real kicker in the vaginal. And now that I mentioned it, I will start a new book this very moment.

Happy holidays and probably Happy new year if I don't post again!

Here's a compilation of aesthetic pictures of food I've taken but never had time to share I guess:

15 November 2018

This past week (could I be anymore obvious~)

Life is good.. kinda. It's like 90% in terms of school (although I wish I could say the same for my grades), and maybe 60% in life. But it's not a bad 60, it's more like an unfulfilled 40.

I passed all my midterms which makes me breathe a sigh of relief. I felt like I wasn't retaining as much information because I was feeling sad for the first half of this fall term, but then I developed a semi-effective study habit, slid into a group of peeps that are really smart where we just bounce knowledge off of each other (fyi, i've never been a study group person which is why i'm surprised this works wonders), and I stopped loathing so much about being back in school and not doing what I'm supposed to do because who knows what I'm supposed to be doing. Basically, I put in the effort.

Then for life... well, what has been going on? I had a lot of moments where I was vulnerable and learning about myself, but then others where I retrograde and I'm not living my authentic self... which should be easy because it's literally just being true to yourself, but damn I get caught up in conformity and being stuck in my mind that causes me to shut down and lose all my personality or opinion. Even typing this out, I wish I could voice that to people around me, but then I lose words... I need to be more open and honest, and stop allowing myself to clam up just because it's a decent defense mechanism and super cozy and comfortable. (insert Sims option "instill false confidence")

After almost losing hope over the job hunting again, I finally got a PT-job. Thanks to nepotism !

Then there's the weaving of people in and out of my life this month. It's been... spiritual (this is what I mean by yream aka youtube rules everything around me). Aside from travel vlogs which are my absolute favorite, I started listening to a lot more talks from youtubers about life stuff including spirituality and relationships-- "girl talk" type videos.

Lastly, I'm growing older this week. I'll be threading very close to "late 20s" territory. I don't know if I'm getting better at it, but I don't hate it as much because it's out of my control and it will happen anyway.

03 November 2018

It gets dark at 6...

Now that winter has semi-arrived, it's really tempting to fall into lazy tendencies. I'm almost always 10 minutes late than when I was already late. The lack of sunshine is a real downer on my mood and I'm always tired. I don't even know how I got through midterms and continue to function on a daily basis. But, I don't want to fall into this unhealthy act of feeling gloomy and tired everyday, so I'm trying some things to counteract winter this year (for the first time in my life). Winter sucks. Period. I've never been a fan, never will, I think. The only good thing that comes out of it is winter holiday and xmas jingles.

Some things I'm trying out are:
1. Vitamins,
2. Dressing cuter and
3. Keeping busy.
Pretty straightforward stuff.. Hopefully the vitamins can help me feel energized from the natural lack of. I want to try to dress cuter so it would keep me in a good shmood. And currently still doing part-time job hunting but hopefully by next week I will have something secured. It's been a while since I worked in retail, but at this point, I wouldn't mind the discount and doing something outside of academia.