The Gate - Natsume Soseki

 A novel of reflection and manifestation (depending on your religious view). 

Sosuke and Oyone are a quiet couple who have denounced themselves from the world. At first, I believed it was Sosuke's stern nature and their state of penury that caused them to live withdrawn from society. However, as the story unfolds, there revealed a past history that was the result of this lifestyle. Oyone's recollection hints at some punishment for someone she harmed in the past. Sosuke also recounts his story of how he met Oyone and although it should seem romantic, actually takes on an ominous tone. 

SPOILER

Small fry

Is anybody out there? Calling all aliens. 

If you haven't heard or seen, as I was late to the game, look up James Webb Telescope or check it out on NASA. It's been in a long line from my waiting list to finally educate myself on this topic and the recent discoveries. The photos are astounding- they're beautiful. Science is spectacular. I lost the spark a long time ago, but sometimes the dust blows around and tickles my brain again. It's truly awe-ful (as in, in awe). I stopped thinking so worldly because it always catapulted me into existential repulse but whoa man. To know that we, humans, created a giant telescope, ejected it into space, assembled it into a magnificent flower power lens, and are capturing data (as we speak) of entities lightyears away in damn good quality photos, spectroscopy charts, inferring history-- maybe getting closer to the history of the origin -- is just ..amazing (understatement). The fact that we can visualize stars that have burst, or galaxies on the brink of collision, nebulas, atmospheric data of other stars (? planets?) is incredible. For some reason, I never thought we would get so far in my lifetime. Space still feels unobtainable and like some far-off sci-fi fiction but no.. it's right here. And we're slowly and eventually gathering more information on it as years go by.. albeit a lot of years, but thank god there's still humans out here who care and are driven by curiosity and dedication. Gotta really respect that.. especially in a society that seems to be changing more than ever, but sometimes not in a good way.. in a quick one-time use, disposable, 'was a problem but forget about it in a week or month' type of way. 

Cyberpunk mementos

I finally finished Cyberpunk 2077 yesterday ! It's been a slow and steady adventure that I wanted to savor as a winter escape and occupier. And now enjoy some "selfies" of my character (learned how to do this at the very end). 

Normally, she'd be dressed in all black, but the whole game is already quite dark, so I went inverse. Also found a gold top last minute to match with the gold sniper-rifle ;).

Readings... an assortment of random books

 

I have really been trying to get through my decreasing pile of books. This particular lot was bought on a whim to reach shipping minimum (~$1) so they are very random and not what I typically read. Basically let me review how unimpressed I was by them all lol.

Readings... what's real and what's dreamy

Inner turmoil. That's the theme of this lot. It wasn't planned that way but through the eyes of different characters, their personalities led me through many ways of processing pain and conflict. Whether it was the raw emotion of anger and guilt, maintaining the branded stoicism as head of household, the constant fight for delirious faith in one's being or wading through the dreamlike unknown.. it's all been a wave of perspective. 

a gmarket mini-haul

Back in my teens, I got my first credit card and the rest was history. Gmarket was one of the first gateways to my online shopping obsession (and kpop collection at the time). Recently, I re-discovered gmarket to refresh some of my make-up essentials. For everyday use, my modest collections consists of estee lauder and clinique but I find western make-up can be pretty harsh despite being targeted towards the asian market (ie. clinique) which is why I prefer asian brands.

Purchased below:

• Etude House Play nail polish - refreshing my nudes and one vibrant coral for the springtime. 
• Etude House Maple Road eyeshadow palette
• Etude House Play 101 (contour) stick
• Rom&nd Zero Velvet Tint in Burnt Heart 

First of all, the packing on everything is so pretty. I'm surprised how durable everything felt. 

I have been meaning to get another small eyeshadow palette to add more color because after downsizing my stuff, I threw out all my palettes except a few single pans from mac and bobbi brown and they all happen to be nude colors or simmers. I've never been a fan of lip products because I feel like I end up looking like a clown or it makes my lips look thinner but I'm actually excited for my first lip tint. The texture is quite unique. It almost feels like you're gliding on chalk powder and it's very smooth. The shade perfectly matches and accentuates my natural lip color.

I wanna say this will be my last make-up haul for a while but I kind of want to try more lip tints from different brands heh

Vision Board 2020

Felt like doing something creative.... 

Where do I go from here and Readings:

It's just deep into the month of January and I've already dreamt that the year was over. I admit, it started off on a bit of a slump as I find it usually does, however I can't sit still and mourn the loss of time. All I can do is wake up and live presently and plan for the future. Despite sounding this way, I have no regrets from last year. I think I ended up accomplishing a lot of hurdles and I continue shoveling snow (see Readings:). In real talk, I was fortunate to go on two trips with my family and friend, separately. I recently completed an online diploma. I'm happily learning at my own pace and learning what I want to learn. The health and exercise department is still extremely lacking but I've been tuned to cook healthier meals now. I'm at the beginnings of planning my next (*hint* long-awaited) trip before summer. I am also hoping to squeeze another trip in the fall time, but we will see. In the meantime, I will continue taking online courses-- expanding my knowledge and maybe revisit some old topics in medical because I kind of miss it (but not enough to go back lol).

I also found time to finish some books. Crazy how my last book update was in April. I wish I could dedicate more time to reading but my attention isn't like what it used to be and I'm always jumping between hobbies. But like how I tell myself every year.. I'll resolve to read more this year.

Oahu, Hawaii 2019

No words can describe how quickly I fell in love with Hawaii. I was the designated planner so I tried to create a guide that hit many of the locations desirable to visit but also allowed flexibility. The hotel was located in Waikiki, the main tourist beach and hotel area, and conveniently close to the beach.

Las Vegas 2019

The last time I was in Las Vegas was almost 10 years ago. I was forgetful and underage so my impression of LV at the time was nothing spectacular. So about a month ago, my friend and I took a long weekend getaway. I had lots of fun. I kind of wish we stayed one more day because I underestimated how exhausting heat can be. But I'm still happy how the trip turned out. We got to eat at different places, chilled in pools for long hours, have drinks and fun... the usual. I haven't partied hardcore like this since I graduated so it was a good 'throwback' and now I know I still got it (lmao jk).

Neon sign at Flamingo 

PC Build...another nzxt

At long last! I bit the bullet and I am working off of my new PC that was built by yours truly (and much thanks to The Verge PC build guide-- that's a joke btw). It's not as fancy as my dream computer, but the white tower and simple LED + RGB lighting does the work.

My part list can be found Here.

Overall budget build and banking on a bit of gaming but who knows what I'll play (still on the fence about getting back into League).

I was able to save money here and there depending on items on sale. But for the most part, I was very impatient and bought everything on a whim (separated into two purchases to save me from crying over my credit card bill). It's funny because when I booted everything up, I realize I forgot to buy two essential pieces-- wifi adapter and keyboard so I had to run out to the store to get those.

I'm a sucker for packaging but this was kind of an immense waste of paper/plastic.

Might change the CPU cooler in the future because it does look a little plain. I decided to stay with LED fans because I wanted to keep the white accents consistent. The Ram sticks can changes color too but for now I'm keeping it on disco mode :D 

Readings:

So I kind of forgot I read these books, but alas, here they are. This batch purveys a more somber mood than my usual reads which wasn't intentional at all.

Canadian Autoshow 2019

I went to the autoshow for the first time. It was a pretty underwhelming experience because I am not by any means, a car enthusiast. But it's nice to dream lol

Starting now, I am myself again.

Re-acquainted myself with Late Night Alumni through listening to Kaskade. It really makes me nostalgic and yearn for late night drives again.

How's 2019 treating everybody? I'm glad this month is over. It's always the initial hurdle I have to drag myself through and then it just becomes habit for the remaining time (is that a sad view of living? Maybe). I'm excited for February though because it will be Lunar new year. Honestly, I'm not even that cultural, but I have to admit I like ..the motions. And I respect it of course which is why I try to be involved in the process as much as I can because I probably won't carry it on by myself. I'm also excited because January hasn't been very fun-- Full of self doubt (and still going) and homework (ugh). I also managed to incur four stitches to my face and minor trauma which was a lowkey fun experience (I swear I'm not masochistic). But if I learned anything this month, it's to face adversity and live in the Now. I finally got around to reading The Power of Now. I'm still in the middle of it. I keep falling asleep after ever sub-chapter or so, so I feel like I'm not getting the full experience but I bookmarked some stuff, so maybe I'll share a self book club discussion once I'm done.

2018 reflections

Can't believe 2018 is just two days away now. I lost the motivation to blog because nothing eventful was happening, but since I'm in the holidays I can flex.

Oh, so I'm celebrating happily meaning I passed all of my courses. There were a few hiccups but yolo-dolo. I also made it through holiday retail nightmare-- Yea I worked Boxing day and I fucking hated it but I'm alive and payday is coming up. Other than that, I don't know how to describe this past month. It's been different but also really chill. December really slipped past me this year.

Am I looking forward to 2019? Maybe. I have hope lol for positive changes in my life-- which is pretty dope because I feel like I'm typically sad and lowkey loathing life every new year. But who knows, I might be just as sad and mopey in the new year since things don't just change at the strike of midnight. I have barely done any reading this month which is the real kicker in the vaginal. And now that I mentioned it, I will start a new book this very moment.

Happy holidays and probably Happy new year if I don't post again!

Here's a compilation of aesthetic pictures of food I've taken but never had time to share I guess:

It gets dark at 6...

Now that winter has semi-arrived, it's really tempting to fall into lazy tendencies. I'm almost always 10 minutes late than when I was already late. The lack of sunshine is a real downer on my mood and I'm always tired. I don't even know how I got through midterms and continue to function on a daily basis. But, I don't want to fall into this unhealthy act of feeling gloomy and tired everyday, so I'm trying some things to counteract winter this year (for the first time in my life). Winter sucks. Period. I've never been a fan, never will, I think. The only good thing that comes out of it is winter holiday and xmas jingles.

Some things I'm trying out are:
1. Vitamins,
2. Dressing cuter and
3. Keeping busy.
Pretty straightforward stuff.. Hopefully the vitamins can help me feel energized from the natural lack of. I want to try to dress cuter so it would keep me in a good shmood. And currently still doing part-time job hunting but hopefully by next week I will have something secured. It's been a while since I worked in retail, but at this point, I wouldn't mind the discount and doing something outside of academia.

Light sleeper

What not to do when you go to bed at 2am but suddenly wake at 4am:

Notice every single sound you've never paid attention to before.
Stare at the ceiling in the dark.
Turn on the lights and stare at the ceiling some more.
Attempt to count sheep but keep losing count.
Walk around in the dark.
Get dressed for a night walk but realize it's snowing.
Eat a burger.
Feel bad about eating the burger, so you try to workout for half an hour thinking it would help tire you out as well.
Feel even more awake and energized than before.
Watch some youtube. Read a chapter of a book. Go back to bed and still can't fall asleep. See some light starting to peek through the windows. Feel angry because your head hurts. Fall asleep angry. The End.

Romanticize your everyday life?

Someone posted an interesting concept of romanticizing your everyday life so you could appreciate and enjoy the little things in life. I'm currently in midterm madness and I could relate to this so much. I've been watching more 'study with me' vlogs and have been trying to make prettier, organized notes with different colored pens. I've also been loathing commute during rush hour cause at the end of the day my feet are so sore and then I have the pleasure of running for the underground and getting Chopped by the relentless doors. But then I think about to all those city scenes (have never watched Sex and the City but I imagine that's what it's like??) and I'm like alright I can do this!

Maybe that's a sad way to live or an interesting outlook but hey, at least life is a lot more tolerable ! lol..

And since stress has been pretty high lately, I've been resorting to retail therapy which has been fun. I want to explore outside of sweats . I still want comfortable, but put together, you know?
My most recent purchase was this cropped gray collar shirt, a pair of black chinos that fit me like a glove (love), and a striped shirt (still undecided if stripes look ugly on me). I also acquired a used sewing machine so maybe try my hand at crafting something from nothing (winkwink) ?

Readings:

August/September in a nutshell.

Nothing. Byeeeee.
No but seriously, nothing great happened. I'm running on week 3 of school and it's been super tolerable and I am okay with it! I even have time to READ leisurely which is amazing.. although I haven't started studying yet.. so maybe I just have my priorities wrong (or right?).
I made some acquaintance-type friends. It's all been very chill minus the part where I wake up in a rush to pack lunch and run for the underground (still work-in-progress). 
I somehow pulled my chest muscle so now it really hurts to cough but I am kicking this sickness to the curb. At least I hope I am. It's been a persistent few weeks (almost 2 months) of acute bronchitis.

Still job hunting for part-time work. Haven't sent out any applications, but am going to try my absolute non-procrastinating best to aim for the end of this week. 

On a scale of 1-10, I'd rate life sub-par to not bad right now.